"The legion of Bonds haters … they're not impressed by Bonds' statistics in these preliminary rounds or by the incredible respect he receives from opposing managers and pitchers who, by their actions, have made him the most-feared hitter in baseball history."
-- Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Oct. 17, 2002

Batting practice over, his next press conference 30 minutes away, Angels manager Mike Scioscia leans back in his plush recliner and settles in with a stack of statistical breakdowns of Barry Bonds' last two seasons.

	Ooh! Scary!

Just as he gets to the all-important RISP-with-less-than-two-out section, there's a loud knock at the door. Before Scioscia can respond, pitching coach Bud Black bursts in, sweat dripping from his brow.

"Skip, Skip, I've got it," Black says, breathless. "Put those stats down. We'll never need 'em again."

"Whaddaya got, Bud?" Scioscia asks.

"The key to stopping Bonds. The key. The absolute lead-pipe key. It's right here in my head. I can't believe nobody else thought of this. Listen, Skip -- man, this is so beautiful. Okay, here it goes: Barry Bonds is such a feared hitter because we fear him. That's it. That's his secret. Don't you see? It's beautiful. If we could just stop fearing him, he wouldn't be so feared."

"So, all these numbers I'm looking at, the .370 batting average, the record on-base percentage, the …"

"Forget 'em. It's the fear we have to overcome. We get over the fear, we get over Bonds. It's the FDR deal all over again: All we have to fear is fear itself."

"I don't know, Bud. Sometimes I'm prone to fear the three-run homer late in a close game, too."

"But remember, Skip: If we stop fearing him, he will no longer be feared. This is the World Series. We're the last line of defense. If we don't fear him, nobody else will. Do you feel the implications? We have the power to change history."

"I'll take it under advisement, Bud. For now, though, how'd Weber look down in the 'pen today? He got that tic worked out yet?"

This Week's List:

When it comes to how they play the game, these two World Series teams are making history: It's the first time two National League teams have been in the Series since the advent of the DH.

Of course, now that they're all right, he's thinking of incorporating it into his conditioning drills: After wondering why 15 of his players were all running to the bathroom at the same time – some not in time, as it turns out – a Florida high school coach accused his opponent of putting laxatives in his team's water jug.

This is the kind of news that gives you that "Hussein for President" feeling about justice and ethics: The Yankees and Braves, according to the Wall Street Journal, each pocketed $1 million by not returning handling fees on advance-purchase playoff tickets for games that were never played.

What I learned from watching the ALCS: If you're throwing a baseball in the backyard with your kids or your buddies, there's a good chance Jacque Jones is out there somewhere, taking a big old hack at it.

What I learned from watching the NLCS: Shawon Dunston, a good man.

It's shaping up as the great mystery of the baseball offseason: Ken Macha -- why?

At least this year we don't have to worry about Ally McBeal getting beaned from her spot on the rolling billboard behind home plate: I don't know about you, but I have a feeling something big is going down at Boston Public this fall.

What I learned from watching Monday Night Football: There's nothing wrong with Terrell Owens that a secondary with George Atkinson and Jack Tatum couldn't cure.

Just for the heck of it: Dave Heaverlo.

After nearly an entire Super Bowl Week of build-up, it's almost time for Game One of the Series, which means we can soon stop basing our predictions based on such sage observations as: Edge: Bonds.

Wang Zhi-Zhi won't be back with Mavericks: And Mark Cuban says, "It would be good to have him, but we're not going to miss him. We'll find the two or three points from somewhere else."

And if it's a boy, she promises to name him Tsuyoshi: A woman in the Bay Area says she'll trade her World Series tickets for some good sperm.

One thing the viewers at home have to look forward to: Tim McCarver, making baseball hard again.

There's no tasteful way of saying this, but: Wasn't there a better time to air the Jack Buck/Darryl Kile tribute than minutes after the Giants won the NLCS?

We have Lou Piniella to blame for this memory cropping up this week: Manny Sanguillen for Chuck Tanner.

When they come down from space in 500 years and want to know about the NFL, this is all you have to tell them: A guy once scored a touchdown, pulled a pen out of his sock, signed the ball, gave it to his business manager and then got fined by the league for having his shirt-tail untucked.

And finally, I acknowledge that this has gone from being a petty annoyance to a full-fledged personal obsession: The continuous pronunciation of the word "versus" as "verse."

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at tim.keown@espnmag.com.