SAN ANTONIO VS. LOS ANGELES PHILADELPHIA VS. MILWAUKEE

Friday, June 1 Can conspiracy theorists pass muster? By Mark Kreidler Special to ESPN.com Milwaukee's Ray Allen has alleged that the NBA would much rather see Philadelphia than Allen's Bucks in the league finals against the Los Angeles Lakers, and he came justaboutthisclose to suggesting an outright officiating conspiracy designed toward exactly that end. Stern Frankly, this is problematic, especially for those of us who have labored through the last couple of seasons under the apparent misconception that the overall quality of officiating in the NBA was just plain lousy. Now we have to consider malicious intent? There is also the matter of the Lakers, who have swept their way through the first and second playoff rounds and then the Western Conference finals. By Allen's reasoning, the NBA wants Philly-L.A. rather than Milwaukee-L.A. because the matchup would maximize the league's revenue-generating possibilities -- but the Lakers cost the NBA an estimated $15 million to $20 million in the conference finals alone by being so brutally efficient. Where's the suspect call when you needed it to keep San Antonio in the series? But the larger issue, as we all can agree, is proof. In an era in which six steps and two loop-de-loops do not, in and of themselves, constitute traveling, how can anyone be certain when a call is fraudulently made? Clearly, working toward the truth of Allen's words is going to be difficult. It looks like the best we can do is to narrow things down a bit and go from there. 1. Allen Iverson takes a billy club to Glenn Robinson's knee during a timeout, then saunters casually back over to the 76ers' bench as if nothing happened. The head of the officiating crew: (a) Warns Iverson that if replays show he acted alone, he will be "dealt with severely." (3 points) (b) Chugs furiously on his Sierra Spring water bottle, watching the Full Court Press dance team really get into its routine. (5 points) (c) Warns Robinson that if he continues to thrust his knee into situations in which only harm can come to it, he will be ejected for the remainder of the series. (10 points) 2. Reacting to a call with which he does not agree, Philadelphia coach Larry Brown grabs the P.A. microphone to ask the crowd "if anybody is willing to put up the money for a halftime Lasik procedure on this moron." The referee in question: (a) Demands retribution for the callous attack on his character in the form of a free half-court shot for himself "with the possibility of winning a Ford F-150 XL Pickup." (3 points) (b) A Toyota Land Cruiser (5 points) (c) "Whatever kind of car Coach Brown is driving, since I'm sure it's a vehicle of top quality and refinement, reflecting the characteristics of a man for whom only the best could ever be deemed adequate." (10 points) 3. In the fourth quarter of a one-basket game, Milwaukee's Sam Cassell receives a pass on the wing, goes up for a 19-foot jump shot and drains it. The official: (a) Calls Cassell for traveling (3 points) (b) Calls Cassell for three seconds (5 points) (c) Calls Cassell for "leaning into the lane a little too presumptuously on those Eric Snow free throws about five minutes ago." (10 points) 4. The Bucks win the sixth game of the series to force Game 7 in Philadelphia, raising the possibility of Milwaukee actually advancing to the NBA Finals. League commissioner David Stern: (a) Says that while he respects the grit and determination of the Bucks, "I have to put my strong, experience-enhanced, power-derived faith in the fact that the 76ers will ultimately prevail." (3 points) Score the Test 15-23 -- All this circumstantial chatter is clogging up America's precious airwaves. Come back when you get some real evidence. 25-40 -- The league is willing to concede that mistakes were made. Rest assured that we will deal with this in the appropriate manner and under the appropriate auspices, as we always do in cases such as these. And now let us never speak of this again. 45-50 -- Mr. Allen, I believe you know Scully and Mulder, here. They'd just like to ask you a few questions. You'll be back by dinnertime. Honest. (b) Provides the backing track on Allen Iverson's new hip-hop single, "(At Least) Forty Free Throws." (5 points) (c) Announces the immediate dismissal of the entire officiating roster, and informs the media that Game 7 will be overseen by a special two-man crew whom Stern identifies only as "David" and "Russ." (10 points) 5. The 76ers advance to the NBA Finals, pitting league MVP Iverson against the popular L.A. duo of Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal. The commissioner's office: (a) Convenes an emergency teleconference of team owners, who vote unanimously to extend the series to a best-of-9 "just this once." (3 points) (b) A best-of-13. (5 points) (c) "We take no official position on when this series should conclude, although all owners adamantly insist that training camps be allowed to open on time in October. We are, however, willing to sacrifice all WNBA television dates during the summer months." (10 points) Mark Kreidler is a columnist for the Sacramento Bee, which has a Web site at http://www.sacbee.com/. Send this story to a friend | Most sent stories

ALSO SEE Keown: Iverson is money in the bank Is the fix in? Bucks believe NBA wants Sixers to win May: Brown has reason to be proud Bembry: The Stern Conspiracy AUDIO/VIDEO  ESPN's Jason Jackson plays Fox Mulder as he looks into the conspiracy theory in the NBA. wav: 1275 k RealAudio: 14.4 | 28.8 | 56.6