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| There's nothing like the name 'Dennis Franchione' to get your bowl pulse racing. |
Seems like every year you watch the wrong bowls, the ones overflowing with turnovers and timid play. You can't watch them all for fear of family ex-communication, and you need a guide to make the right viewing choices.
Fear not: Your Christmas gift has come early.
Welcome to the 1999 Fun Factor Bowl Poll. OK, so the rankings are my own, rather than an actual poll, but why get bogged down in semantics? This is no routine, chronological list of the 23 Division I bowls that appears in your paper every day. Not even close.
Unlike the been-there-done-that top 25 polls, this fresh new Top 23 Bowl Poll forecasts the most entertaining games of the post-season. And borrowing another twist to build suspense from the immortal Casey Kasem, they are ranked in reverse order.
I don't overload on boring details like records, power ratings and the BCS because bowl games are all about fun. Entertainment value is all that should enter into what games you're going to watch - and what you're about to read.
So without further ado, here are the 23 bowl games from worst to first &.
23. Aloha: Wake Forest (6-5) vs. Arizona State (6-5)
I love college football, but tell me this doesn't prove that there are too many bowl games. These are two 6-5 teams that put the "M" in mediocre. Wake Forest went 3-5 in ACC play and Arizona State scored fewer points than its opposition this year. For the love of all things holy, do they have to play this on Christmas Day? I'm Jewish, and even I know it's pure blasphemy. Hello, it's the Demon Deacons against the Sun Devils for heaven's sake! How much evidence do you need? Wake up and smell the Wake defense that gave up 48 points to Duke -- the same number its basketball team allowed against Wisconsin recently. Question: Should ASU tailback/genius J.R. Redmond -- duped by a female athletic department worker into marrying her to protect his eligibility after she bought some plane tickets for him earlier this season -- be rewarded with a trip to Hawaii? Someone arrest this game (where's Jack Lord or Thomas Magnum when you need them?).
22. Music City: Syracuse (6-5) vs. Kentucky (6-5)
Yeah baby, a rematch of the 1997 NCAA championship game! Oops, wrong sport. On the gridiron, these teams combined to go 7-8 in conference and got outscored 407-336. Bowl worthy? Only in Nashville, where songs about broken dreams and those who done you wrong go platinum. Coach Paul Pasqualoni got so tired of hearing about the Orangemen's slow starts, he turned the tables by starting fast and going 1-4 down the stretch. As for the debate surrounding Syracuse's bowl legitimacy, I can sum it up in two words and two numbers: Rutgers 24, Syracuse 21. RUTGERS! Pray that women and children were spared from viewing. Kentucky's 6-5 record is more respectable, largely because the Wildcats got there in the rough SEC. Hal Mumme showed he could win without Tim Couch, and his team could have won at Mississippi State with better clock management down the stretch. Wake me when these schools get it on in hoops.
21. Holiday: Kansas State (10-1) vs. Washington (7-4)
Memo to K-State fans: Win the biggest game on your schedule, and you'll go to a BCS bowl. Until then, zip it and play ball. Had the Wildcats not been dissed and dismissed at Nebraska, they'd have a beef. Don't misunderstand me. Kansas State is a strong team that should completely overwhelm Washington. But sulking after a BCS snub last year undoubtedly led to a lack of concentration in its stunning Alamo Bowl loss to Purdue, and a repeat offense against the Huskies will do little to bolster credibility. The rub on Huskies star quarterback Marques Tuiasosopo: tough to spell, tough to pronounce, tough to defend. Still, he needs a monster game with no more than one turnover for Washington to stay close. It won't be too warm and fuzzy on the Big 12 Reunion Tour as Washington coach Rick Neuheisel -- who bolted Colorado last year -- hooks up again with K-State control freak/program saver Bill Snyder. Sing along with me, people: Reunited, and it feels so good ...
20. Peach: Mississippi State (9-2) vs. Clemson (6-5)
This is old-school, down-home football. Tradition, pride, and serious Southern drawls hook up in Atlanta. It's also a study in deceiving records. Mississippi State won five games by a field goal or less while Clemson lost four by four points or less. Most pundits had the Bulldogs going to the Outback Bowl, but I know why it's the Peach Bowl instead -- they've lost four straight bowl games and the Tigers have lost three straight. In other words, someone has to win. Did you know Mississippi State coach Jackie Sherrill once had his team watch a bull get castrated in the name of motivation? That would motivate me to sprint for the Pepto. After an undefeated season last year at Tulane, Clemson coach Tommy Bowden has the Tigers on track following last year's 3-8 debacle. Clemson's Rod Gardner and MSU's Kelvin Love are standout receivers, but defense (yawn) will determine the outcome. Marketing idea: Winner plays the woeful hometown Falcons.
19. Mobile Alabama: East Carolina (9-2) vs. TCU (7-4)
How little respect has the WAC earned this year? TCU star LaDainian Tomlinson leads the nation in rushing, scampers for more than 400 yards in a single game and is a longshot for the Doak Walker Award. Huh? Last year, the Horned Frogs were widely viewed as the nation's worst bowl team -- until they administered a Sun Bowl whuppin' to USC (which has since stood for Ungodly Sad Collapse). Second-year coach Dennis Franchione has worked wonders in Fort Worth, and can climb another rung on the status ladder by upsetting the Pirates. East Carolina was the feel-good story of the year early on, climbing the polls and giving their fans welcome relief from those horrible Carolina floods with a 17-point fourth-quarter comeback to upset Miami, 27-23. A bowl that has to announce what state it's located in has some self-esteem issues (which fits a WAC vs. Conference USA tussle). Hopefully, this inaugural edition will be close.
18. Cotton: Texas (9-4) vs. Arkansas (7-4)
I should be more excited about this game. I want to be more excited about this game. Yes, it's a nice reunion between former Southwest Conference rivals. Problem is, the action in the stands (let's just say Texans and Arkansans differ on a few things) may be more intriguing than the action on the field. The Longhorns lost their last two games, and the Razorbacks lost their regular-season finale by 25 points at LSU. Maybe it's just that each team had more appeal last year, when Texas soared with Ricky Williams and the Hogs came out of nowhere under first-year coach Houston Nutt. Longhorns quarterback Major Applewhite and Hogs QB Clint Stoerner can get hot in a hurry, but neither showed much spark down the stretch. Each team has a huge win this season, with Texas handing Nebraska its only loss and Arkansas knocking Tennessee out of the national title chase. Casey Hampton spearheads a tough defensive line at Texas, one of the nation's best.
17. Liberty: Southern Mississippi (8-3) vs. Colorado State (8-3)
Is it me, or does Colorado State play half its games on ESPN Thursday night? The Rams are much more entertaining than "Friends" these days (Chandler and Monica, oh joy!). Two of their biggest wins came on the mothership channel, 31-24 over Utah and 41-20 over Air Force. Let's face it, this is a game between two good teams Joe Fan knows nothing about. If I'm marketing this Memphis gig, I call it the Elvis Bowl. First 50,000 through the turnstiles get free paintings of the King on a velvet background. Tell me that's not a cash cow waiting to be milked! What? Oh, the game. Right, CSU has a nice mix with tough-as-nails Kevin McDougal at tailback and Dallas Davis providing kick-return karma. Led by flanker Todd Pinkston (11 TD catches), Southern Miss went 6-0 in Conference USA, losing only to Nebraska, Texas A&M and Alabama. Each team plays in the shadow of other state schools, but can help recruiting by winning this game.
16. Insight.com: Boston College (8-3) vs. Colorado (6-5)
Was it really 15 years ago that Doug Flutie dropped a nation's collective jaw with the bomb that beat Miami? Was it really only three years ago that a major gambling scandal threatened to put BC football out of business? Look, if Steve Forbes can get presidential consideration, the Eagles' Tom O'Brien deserves some votes for national coach of the year. Colorado is a long way from its national title days, but played better as the season went along. All five losses were to teams with winning records, the Buffaloes have won five straight bowls and quarterback Mike Moschetti can carve up opposing secondaries. BC has led a charmed life, getting a missed extra-point to win its season opener in double overtime and 25 tackles from linebacker Frank Chamberlain, the last on a late fourth-down play, to beat Syracuse. Still, I have to give props to any team that knocks Notre Dame out of bowl contention in South Bend -- and ruins NBC's day in the process.
15. Sun: Minnesota (8-3) vs. Oregon (8-3)
It's like a Star Search comedy competition. Minnesota is the fresh young comic who just got his own sitcom deal and Oregon is Rodney Dangerfield -- no respect. These teams have identical records, yet Minnesota -- making its first bowl trip since 1986 -- is ranked 12th while Oregon isn't even in the top 25. Any more questions on how the Big Ten and Pac-10 stack up on the prestige meter? Football has been a surprising source of relief in Minnesota. Talk about a state that needs it -- Jesse Ventura is the governor, the hoops program has been rocked by a nasty academic scandal and the cold -- mama mia, the cold! True to their nicknames, the Gophers travel by ground with tailback Thomas Hamner and the Ducks mix it up on land (with 1,000-yard rusher Reuben Droughns) and in the air (with quarterback Joey Harrington). The Ducks go to El Paso after beating arch-rival Oregon State, and the Beavers visit Hawaii. In this case, to the loser go the spoils.
14. Independence: Oklahoma (7-4) vs. Mississippi (7-4)
Anyone still wondering why Bobby Stoops chose Oklahoma over Iowa, please report to your local neurologist for testing. In his first year on the job, Stoops turned what was one of the most boring teams on the planet into a dynamic, pass-happy, viewer-friendly unit. Under Gary Gibbs and John Blake, the Sooners would have rather passed kidney stones than footballs. But Oklahoma aired it out 511 times compared to 294 rushes this year, and quarterback Josh Heupel threw for 30 touchdowns. Oklahoma will be favored, but there's something a little eerie about Mississippi. The Rebels have won three straight bowl games, including the Independence last year over heavily favored Texas Tech, and check this out: It's the last college football game of the millennium, and quarterback Romaro Miller comes in with 1999 passing yards. Spooky, no? Miller has a tough offensive line and a proven workhorse in tailback Deuce McAlister, and Ole Miss should keep it close.
13. Motor City: Marshall (12-0) vs. Brigham Young (8-3)
Let me get this straight. With two games left in the regular season, Brigham Young whines about having to return to the Liberty Bowl as outright WAC champions. Then the Cougars lose both games and whine about having to wait while Motor City Bowl officials pick an opponent for the MAC champion. Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? Marshall has the only right to complain: since when should an undefeated season result in a winter trip to Detroit? If that's a reward, I want to be punished. The only justice here is that the Thundering Herd, who won at Clemson by the same margin as Florida State, will take out their frustrations on BYU (Bratty Young Underachievers). Standout quarterback Chad Pennington doesn't need Randy Moss to tame these Cougars, even against a quality thrower like Kevin Feterik. For a second straight year, BYU gets to test its mettle against an unbeaten opponent. Last year, they got drilled by Tulane in the Liberty Bowl. This year, they'll get drilled by Marshall. And then probably whine about the officiating.
12. Citrus: Michigan State (9-2) vs. Florida (9-3)
Somehow, I don't see Steve Spurrier as the type to bring Nick Saban a nice fruit basket welcoming him to the SEC neighborhood. After one good season, Saban somehow got LSU to shell out Trump-level cash for him to take over in Baton Rouge. Assistant coach Bobby Williams is now head coach Bobby Williams, armed with a multi-year contract and Ron Dayne Jr., otherwise known as freshman T.J. Duckett. If you think the Gators had trouble stopping Alabama's Shaun Alexander, just watch them try to corral this freight train. Saban took too long to switch Duckett from linebacker to tailback, the move that put Michigan State into a New Year's Day game. It's hard to imagine the Gators losing a third straight game, but it was also hard to imagine them scoring 7 points against Alabama in the SEC Championship. Sadly for Spurrier, Florida's quarterback rotation between Doug Johnson and Jesse Palmer has produced more distractions than points.
11. Micron PC: Virginia (7-4) vs. Illinois (7-4)
Holly Illini, Batman! In 1997, the Ron Turner era began with an 0-11 nightmare. Last year, I covered a Wisconsin game at Illinois and the home team got two standing ovations -- one for crossing midfield for the first time just before halftime and one for kicking a field goal with 2 minutes left to crack the goose egg in a 37-3 loss. After Hawaii, this may be the most remarkable turnaround story in the nation. And I didn't see the Rainbow Warriors score 35 points in a win at Michigan and 46 in a romp at Ohio State. The Illini missed Ron Dayne on their Big Ten schedule, but they'll try not to miss tailback Thomas Jones when he zips upfield for Virginia. Jones is the real deal, an explosive force for the otherwise inconsistent Cavs. Virginia had a big road win over BYU and a sweet home upset of Georgia Tech, but also lost to Duke. This game should be close, Jones is always fun to watch and you have to like a bowl in which both teams wear some orange.
10. Oahu: Hawaii (8-4) vs. Oregon State (7-4)
No teams are happier to go bowling. Is it the feel-good game of the decade between two programs that have risen from the ash heap, or just a battle of two over-hyped coaches who couldn't get it done in the NFL? After bombing with the Atlanta Falcons, June Jones returned to Hawaii and sparked a stunning reversal of fortune from last year's 0-12 season. After sputtering with the Seattle Seahawks, Dennis Erickson takes the Beavers to their first bowl since 1965. Old history and recent history both go against Hawaii. The Rainbow Warriors have an 0-2 bowl record against Oregon State (losing the prestigious Pineapple Bowl in 1940 and 1949). The Beavers also went 4-4 against the Pac-10 while Hawaii was 0-2 - with losses to USC and Washington State, no less. If the Beavers don't run too wild on those Hawaiian beaches - it's been known to happen - star tailback Ken Simonton should run wild in an Oregon State victory. Merry Christmas, Corvallis.
9. Alamo: Penn State (9-3) vs. Texas A&M (8-3)
Texas A&M showed its heart by upsetting arch-rival Texas following the horrible bonfire tragedy. Now it's Penn State's turn for a heart check. The Nittany Lions slid from No. 2 in the nation to a fourth-place tie in the Big Ten by losing their final three regular-season games. Will they come out mad or just stay sad against an inspired Aggies squad playing close to home? If Penn State has 89 all-Americans on defense, as are we were led to believe, why did Minnesota, Michigan and Michigan State average 30 points against them down the stretch? LaVar? Courtney? Joe Pa? Bueller ... Bueller? Aggies coach R.C. Slocum got some big-time heat when his team was taken behind the woodshed by Oklahoma and Nebraska. A&M has battled injuries and inconsistencies, but could be peaking at the right time. The Nittany Lions win on talent, the Aggies win on emotion and the Alamo Bowl wins because it's the only game on that night.
8. Rose: Wisconsin (9-2) vs. Stanford (8-3)
Ron Dayne sidesteps a linebacker, cuts upfield, lowers his shoulder and bulldozes a reluctant free safety another 5 yards. He bounces up, smiles, looks down and offers the obvious: "That's Dayne as in pain." Welcome back to the Rose Bowl, Stanford. Is Barry Alvarez the next coach of the Washington Redskins? Would his team be playing for a national championship if he had started freshman Brooks Bollinger at quarterback from game 1? We love the Stanford story -- any team that comes up Roses after allowing 69 points in its season opener deserves praise. But if Texas dropped 69 on the Cardinal without Ricky Williams, what will the Badgers do with this year's Heisman winner? Score early and often, that's what. Look for a fun showdown between Badger cornerback Jamar Fletcher and Stanford wideout Troy Walters. The Cardinal can light it up on offense, but couldn't stop a handicapped snail on defense. At least they wouldn't steal his parking spot.
7. Humanitarian: Boise State (9-3) vs. Louisville (7-4)
I know what you're thinking. You'd rather have your wisdom teeth yanked out by a crowbar than watch this game. Hey, give this tilt a chance! To begin with, the field is blue -- you don't see that every day. The Big West Conference got a big boost last year when Idaho shocked Southern Mississippi, and Boise State could pull another surprise. Chris Redman is Louisville's record-setting quarterback, but any team that lost to Army could certainly lose to Boise. Armed with home-field and home-climate advantage, the Broncos were ranked dead last in some Division I preseason polls two years ago. The Cardinals are still belly-aching about losing the C-USA title on a sneaky trick-play by Southern Miss. Coach John L. Smith said the title should not have been decided on a play of deceit. Oh, so instead of "Blue 36, Q 53, hut, hut-hut," I guess we can expect Redman to bark "Hey defense, draw play off right guard on three, OK?" Take BSU - and that's no BS.
6. Orange: Alabama (10-2) vs. Michigan (9-2)
This is what I remember about the bowl season growing up, when only big-name schools went bowling -- and there weren't 21 unranked teams rewarded with post-season trips to tropical locales. Historically speaking, no bowl stacks up to this confrontation. Then again, it won't be a featured re-run on the History Channel. Still, this clash of traditional titans will definitely be worth watching. Ron Dayne had his worst game of the year against the Michigan defense, which hopes to produce a similar result against Crimson Tide standout Shaun Alexander. Meanwhile, Mike DuBose has gone from Most Likely To Get Fired midway through the season to odds-on favorite for SEC coach of the year. To win 10 games and beat Florida twice in one year is something special, and a victory over the Wolverines could ignite re-negotiation talks. Great quarterbacks can give the Tide problems, however, and Michigan's Tom Brady may have a memorable night in Miami.
5. Las Vegas: Utah (8-3) vs. Fresno State (8-4)
Now this is how you kick off a bowl season. You like late hits, under-the-pile savagery and mutual disdain? Then this game between two former conference rivals is for you. Don't believe those diplomatic pre-game quotes for a second. Fresno State sees Utah as a disloyal bunch of choir-boy sissies who bolted the WAC to seek higher ground in the new Mountain West. Meanwhile, Ute fans have this question for their Fresno counterparts: why stay in the floundering WAC? And another thing: why stay in California if you're going to be hundreds of miles from the ocean (or anything else for that matter)? Sure, Western football has been softer than an Ahmad Rashad interview this year. But this poll is about fun, not talent. Both teams average 33 points per game, offer contrasting styles (a Bulldogs air show led by Billy Volek and a Utes ground game sparked by Mike Anderson) and flat-out hate each other. Now that's entertainment.
4. Fiesta: Nebraska (11-1) vs. Tennessee (9-2)
Two of the nation's best teams plus two of the nation's most loyal fan bases equals one of the best bowl games around. Tennessee won it all last season, Nebraska shared the national title with Michigan the year before and both teams would be serious contenders this year if we had a playoff system. Thanks to a rugged defense, Frank Solich has the Huskers back on familiar turf after suffering through their first 4-loss season since 1968 last year, his first at the helm. In addition to being 22-2 as a starter, Vols quarterback Tee Martin will try to make scouts believe he can play in the NFL. You don't always think excitement when it comes to these two teams, but this game will be very intense. The Vols were embarrassed two years ago when Nebraska waxed them in the Orange Bowl, and the Huskers want to prove they're as good as anyone in the country again this year. Nebraska rarely loses twice in a season, let alone to two teams dressed in orange.
3. Outback: Georgia (7-4) vs. Purdue (7-4)
They're better off calling this the Quarterback Bowl. Georgia's Quincy Carter may have the best feet of any QB in the nation, and Purdue's Drew Brees could have the best arm. Translation: This game is a fun way to kick off the New Year's Day bowl blitz. Joe Tiller is the best quote in the Big Ten, an outsider from out west who shook up the conference by going 25-10 in three years with the Boilermakers. He's also the architect of a crafty playbook that keeps Purdue in virtually every game. Three of Purdue's four losses were by a touchdown or less, and Georgia lost three of its final four games. Each team has won its past two bowl games, but Bulldogs coach Jim Donnan probably needs this victory more than Tiller. Instead of taking a knee to set up a chip-shot field goal a couple weeks back against Georgia Tech, Donnan had Jasper Sanks plow toward the goal line. The result was a controversial fumble, a Georgia loss in overtime and an angry 'Dawgpound.
2. Gator: Georgia Tech (8-3) vs. Miami (8-4)
If the over-under is in double digits, take the over. This is what the Fun Factor Bowl Poll is all about! With Georgia Tech you've got likely Heisman runner-up Joe Hamilton, a quarterback with more moves than Ricky Martin on speed. Speaking of speed, few receivers are more fun to watch than Dez White, the main weapon in Tech's offensive arsenal. Of course you've also got a defense that can't plug the holes in a Swiss melt. The Yellow Jackets are giddy to be here after squeaking past rival Georgia 51-48 in overtime and break out the 'Canes, back in their first Jan. 1 bowl game in five years. This Miami team is actually likable, unlike the drugs N' thugs crew that swept through the program under Jimmy Johnson and Dennis Erickson. Filling in for the injured Kenny Kelley, Miami quarterback Ken Dorsey has won three straight starts by an aggregate score of 155-13. Tech looks for its second straight Gator win, but the 'Canes may score more often than they do at the South Beach bars.
1. Sugar: Florida State (11-0) vs. Virginia Tech (11-0)
Before we spin the No. 1 hit, a public service announcement: Just because Peter Warrick took himself out of the Heisman running with a well-timed shop(lifting) trip to Dillards, he shouldn't be barred from other honors that are rightfully his. To that end, Pete gets my vote for 1999 Quotemaster General: "I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, it's not like I shot the President or anything." Yep, it'll forever rank as one of the smartest things a high-profile athlete has ever said. OK, let's get down to business. College championship games often suffer the same plight as Super Bowls -- too much hype, too much time off between games, not enough excitement. Last year's snooze-fest between Tennessee and FSU was a turnover-filled mess. This year will be different. For starters, Seminoles quarterback Chris Weinke is healthy and he's what, 23 years older than Tech's Michael Vick? Problem is, Vick turned the Hokies from a perennially good team into an undefeated title contender. All year long, highlights have showcased his arm and feet, but the guy's head is what makes the Hokies so dangerous. The real Quotemaster General - and the real defensive player of the year - is Tech defensive end Corey Moore. Each team has tons of speed on offense, big hitters on defense and lethal special teams. Florida State's Sebastian Janikowski is an all-American kicker, and no team has blocked more kicks this decade than Virginia Tech. Put this game in New Orleans, party capital of all galaxies, and you've got a winner.
J. Andrew Cohen is a contributor to ESPN.com. He is the assistant sports editor at Simon & Schuster, a publishing house in New York.
