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 ESPN's Chris Mortensen looks at Kerry Collins' candid news conference with the media.
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Collins talks about his troubled past


TAMPA, Fla. -- Kerry Collins bared his soul about his troubled past Monday night, transforming a Super Bowl interview into a very public confessional.

The New York Giants quarterback, a self-admitted shy kid, discussed the problems that almost ended his NFL career.

Standing behind a podium for 35 minutes, Collins answered question after question about alcohol dependency; being labeled a racist and a quitter; the dark moments of rehabilitation; and eventually turning his career around, leading the New York Giants to a Super Bowl meeting with the Baltimore Ravens.

In an era when athletes do their best to shield their private lives, Collins treated this news conference like a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, opening himself up in a candid, informative and impressive manner.

"It's hard for me to dredge up all those memories," he said, "but the stage being what it is and the situation being what it is, hopefully, it can have a positive affect on something."

When a moderator asked him if he wanted to stop after the allotted 30 minutes was up, Collins said no and answered about five more questions.

No subject was taboo.

"Well, I'm human and I too have frailties and weaknesses, and we all do," Collins said. "Hopefully, people can see me as a role model in the sense people have problems, and alcohol dependency is part of life. It's part of everyday life.

"Hopefully, they can look at me as someone who realized he had a problem and realized he needed to do something about it."

Collins, who has been very frank about his problems since signing with the Giants two years ago, gave new insights into his alcohol dependency and for the first time publicly discussed the racial incident that led to his falling into disfavor with his Carolina Panthers teammates.

Collins, 28, said he didn't drink everyday or every other day, but "when I did, I never stopped."

The racial incident followed a binge that came at the end of the Panthers' training camp in 1998.

"We all went out and had drinks and I was very intoxicated," Collins said. "There was celebrations going on back in the dorm and I used a word that was not meant to be used."

Collins did not disclose the word he used, but insisted he was trying to use it in a joking manner to get a few laughs.

"I used a term that was not meant to be used in a malicious way," he said. "In my polluted, altered mind, I believed that, in some sort of way, it would bring forth some sense of camaraderie. I certainly didn't mean for it to be taken the way it was."

Collins said the incident left him with an unfair label, because he has had black friends his entire life.

Collins said his darkest hour came when he went into rehabilitation after a driving-under-the-influence conviction.

"That was a time I realized it was at the point where it was pretty bad for me, the realization of having to go to a controlled structured environment to seek help was certainly very shocking to me. That's something I will never forget."

Collins hated being in the spotlight and he drank as a way to rebel.

'I had trouble with public attention, living in the public eye," he said. "It was like, `I'll show you, I'll hurt me.' "

Collins said he was most proud of his success off the field.

"I had a hard time separating between Kerry Collins the quarterback and Kerry Collins the person," he said. "That distinction wasn't clear until I realized I needed to take care of myself first before I could do anything on the football field or in my career."

In turning his life around, Collins also turned around his career, setting personal bests for yards passing (3,610) and touchdowns (22).

"I didn't want to look back in 20 or 30 years and see I wasted a talent that is a unique talent," Collins said. "That has been one of the driving forces in the whole process."

So is being honest.

"Do I like to talk about it everyday? No!"

Maybe he won't have to after Monday.


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