JIM HARRICK SR.
University of Georgia
Athletic Department
P.O. Box 1472
Athens, GA 30603-1472
OBJECTIVE: To fulfill my never-ending quest of winning college basketball games while leaving universities in a trail of lawsuits, allegations, denials and deceit.
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS:
30 years experience coaching, recruiting and backpedaling
Award-winning coach with strong aptitude for fudging expense reports
Engaging personality with excellent corruption skills
Devoted family man and longtime activist for nepotism
WORK EXPERIENCE:
University of Georgia -- Athens, GA
Head Basketball Coach, March 1999-Not much longer
Guided Bulldogs to 22-win season in 2002, two consecutive NCAA tournament berths, and probably 3-5 years of probation.
Assisted players with off-court activities as needed, including paying utility bills and purchasing home entertainment equipment.
Employed son, Jim, who taught "Lack of Coaching Ethics & Strategies to Avoid Disciplinary Sanctions" while handing out A's to students that exhibited poor attendance and a 4:1 assist/turnover ratio.
Conduct TV interviews exclusively with Dick Vitale because Jeremy Schaap has a reputation for asking college coaches tough, honest questions.
University of Rhode Island -- Kingston, R.I.
Head Basketball Coach, May 1997-March 1999
Guided Rams to Elite Eight appearance, Atlantic 10 Tournament Championship, 45 wins and a cesspool filled with NCAA violations.
Hired Lamar Odom's prep school coach, Jerry DeGregorio, as an assistant in blatant attempt to persuade the squeaky-clean Odom to wear a Rams uniform.
Left URI with $45,000 tab in successful effort to pay off sexual harassment lawsuit that also cited coaches paying players, changing D's to A's, and falsifying expense reports for recruits.
University of California at Los Angeles -- Los Angeles, CA
Head Basketball Coach, April 1988-November 1996
Led UCLA to National Championship in 1995, three Pac-10 Championships, eight straight 20-win seasons and eight consecutive NCAA Tournament berths.
Misled UCLA in its investigation concerning my penchant for buying dinner for anyone wearing Bruins gear.
Sold my car to Baron Davis' sister in exchange for his Letter of Intent and an autographed headband.
REFERENCES
Available if you absolutely insist.
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