One's a demonic children's doll with piercing eyes and malice on the brain. The other merely looks like one. With comparisons between Tampa Bay coach Jon Gruden and Chucky from the "Child's Play" film series fast approaching the worn-out status of "you have been voted off the island!" jokes, it's time to settle matters once and for all. Herein, the Head-to-Head:
| Jon Gruden vs. Chucky |
| Category |
|
Jon Gruden |
|
Chucky |
|
Winner |
| Facial Expressions |
|
Crazed |
|
Homicidal |
|
Draw ... Tourette's Syndrome is no laughing matter |
| Superhuman Abilities |
|
Only sleeps four hours a night |
|
Doesn't need batteries |
|
Chucky ... more eco-friendly |
| Preferred Means of Creating Havoc |
|
Warren Sapp |
|
A butcher knife; a hammer; throwing baby sitters out of windows |
|
Chucky ... unless you're Green Bay coach Mike Sherman |
| Overflowing with ... |
|
X's and O's |
|
The lost soul of the notorious Lakeshore Strangler |
|
Gruden ... let's see Mr. Lakeshore dissect a Cover 2 defense |
| One Shining Moment |
|
Named to People Magazine's "50 Most Beautiful" list |
|
Enjoyed sweet doll love in "Bride of Chucky" |
|
Gruden ... joins distinguished alums Patrick Swayze ("Road House"), British PM Tony Blair |
| Not to Be Confused with ... |
|
"Beverly Hills 90210" star Ian Ziering |
|
Detroit Pistons guard Chucky Atkins |
|
Chucky ... Steve Sanders never averaged 8.1 ppg for a playoff contender |
| Production Costs |
|
$8 million and four top draft picks |
|
Significantly less, we're guessing |
|
Chucky ... you can't put a price tag on a labor of love |
| Delicious Irony |
|
Coaching against his old team in the Big Game |
|
First victim was the same person who recommended Chucky be purchased from a shady peddler |
|
Chucky ... never saw that one coming |
| Appropriated Catchphrase |
|
"Just win, baby" (Al Davis) |
|
"Look who's ... stalking!" ("Child's Play 3") |
|
Gruden ... even though Davis was probably referring to a lawsuit |
| Miscast: |
|
Rob Johnson at QB |
|
Jennifer Tilly in "Bride of Chucky" |
|
Chucky ... given the choice, who would you rather, er, sack? |
| Go Figure |
|
Offensive mastermind is winning with defense |
|
Despite being linked to a series of murders, destroyed doll is perpetually remade by the greedy Good Guy toy company. Will they never learn? |
|
Gruden ... it worked for Brian Billick |
