Anna Kournikova might have played herself out of the U.S. Open in its first few days, but she continues to be a center of attention where tennis meets pop culture. Tonight, the unknown band Binge will release its CD, entitled "Anna Kournikova," at a club in New York.
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Barry Manilow |
We may or may not make it to the release party (we'll be busy watching Jon Bon Jovi in Times Square), but after sifting through the ol' CD collection, Page 2 took a guess at how one single might go. Feel free to sing aloud to this song borrowed from Barry Manilow:
'Anna Kournikova'
(Sung to the tune of 'Copacabana')
Her name was Anna, her game was tennis.
Tiny skirts -- oh! -- did she wear, ponytail hung down to there.
She hit some groundstrokes, maybe a backhand
And while she tried to be a star, she really never got too far
At the big e-vents, she barely made a dent
She got swept out in early rounds
Packing she was sent!
'Cause it's Anna! (Oh!), Ko-Kournikova!
'Gainst any foe she would rollova!
Oh, it's Anna! Ko-Kournikova!
Sure she is hot, but she can't hit the drop-shot
Oh, that Anna ... she fell apart.
(Anna ... Ko-Kournikova ...)
His name was 'Rique, he was a pop star.
Fell in love with Anna's game though she couldn't pronounce his name.
When she got beat, 'Rique consoled her
He must have gone a bit too far, 'cause Sergei sailed across the bar
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"... She wore the Google crown, but was a Grand Slam clown ..." |
So then NHL put VH-1 in hell
There was blood and a hockey-style fight
Who won? Can't you tell!
'Cause it's Anna! (Oh!), Ko-Kournikova!
Flames out like a big supernova!
Oh, it's Anna! Ko-Kournikova!
Making guys grin don't translate into winning
Oh, that Anna ... she lost again.
(Anna ... Ko-Kournikova ...)
Her name was Anna, she still draws crowds
But with every mounting loss, her looks lose a little gloss
There is winning, but not for Anna
Midriff just a bit less bare, what a very sad affair
She wore the Google crown, but was a Grand Slam clown
A pretty face without some wins
"You're not paid to frown!"
'Cause it's Anna! (Oh!), Ko-Kournikova!
Endorsements spring up like they're clova!
Oh, it's Anna! Ko-Kournikova!
Sure she's high-profile, but she plays with no style.
Oh, that Anna ... don't fall in love.
Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2.