The Ballad of LeBron James, Hoop-Drivin' Man

(Sung to the tune of "The Ballad of John Henry")

When LeBron James was a little baby
He was sittin' on his momma's knee
He picked up a Spalding and a book on Michael Jordan
And said "Hoopin's gonna be the game for me," Lord, lord
Hoopin's gonna be the game for me

Then LeBron started getting bigger
And by the time he hit junior high
He dunked on other boys and he began to make some noise
And they said "Bron's career is heading to the sky," Lord, lord
Bron's career is heading to the sky

LeBron started high school out in Akron
From the start it was common knowledge
The kid was so damn good, if he progresses like he should
Why waste his time heading off to college? Lord, lord
Why waste his time heading off to college?

LeBron was invited by the shoe guys
"Come to our summer camp in Jersey!"
Though just a wee 15, he was the best they'd ever seen
Hoops was easy as A-B-C-D! Lord, Lord
Hoops was easy as A-B-C-D!

By the time LeBron was a junior
Scouts said he was a first-pick lock
"MVP" sez USA Today; sue the NBA to play?
Was it possible to have a higher stock? Lord, lord
Was it possible to have a higher stock?

LeBron went back to finish high school
Turning down mad Euro dough, they say
What did he come back for? Greedy people looking to score
Exploitation: It's the A-mer-i-can way! Lord, lord
Exploitation, it's the A-mer-i-can way!

Everyone wanted some of LeBron
School boosters and opposing teams
Cable guys wanted some too: Put the kid on pay-per-view!
We all tug at LeBron for our own means! Lord, lord
We all tug at LeBron for our own means!

Never mind that LeBron is only 17
That's the world we live in now
It started with KG, throw in T-Mac and Kobe
Can't stop a kid who resembles a cash cow. Lord, lord
Can't stop a kid who resembles a cash cow.

Now all the pro teams are a-jostlin'
To have the best chance to snag L.B.
Let's skip the draft lottery; make him a free commodity
He'll resurrect that woeful team in NYC! Lord, lord
He'll resurrect that woeful team in NYC!

What's the moral of LeBron's story?
Is it too much to be a "prototype"?
Between the "phenom" label and this week's showcase on cable
Can he possibly live up to all that hype? Lord, lord
Can he possibly live up to all that hype?

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2.