Where's Alan Greenspan when you need him? Why isn't he making the rounds of the Grapefruit and Cactus leagues, explaining to ballplayers that complaining about their paychecks lowers their interest rate? Why isn't he pulling GShef and The Big Boo-boo aside and saying, "Believe me, you're making a lot of money. Way more than me, in fact, and I'm fairly valuable my ownself. So chill-and pray the public doesn't realize that today's RBI totals are totally inflated."

See, guys, we won't begrudge you a dime of your fortune, so long as you keep your stats in the same neighborhood and your woe-is-me to yourselves. If the owner you're not holding a gun to wants to give you the equivalent of the GNP of Luxembourg, we're cool. And we don't care if you're a role model -- although one more autograph and one less restraining order would be nice. Just don't tell us how disrespectful $10 million per is. Not when we're shelling out $100 for a couple in the nosebleeds.

Now that we've got that on the table: Sheffield and Thomas do have a point. Fact is, money makes the sports world go round. Tiger did not go to Dubai to break in a new sand wedge. Mario did not come back just because he missed the camaraderie. Brett's not staying in Green Bay because he likes fondue. Salary drives, incentive clauses, signing bonuses, winner's shares, draft position -- they all up the ante of performance. And while we all like to think that players do it for pride, truth is, the money they make feeds that pride. But we promise not to bitch about it if they don't.

Steve Wulf is executive editor of ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at steve.wulf@espnmag.com.