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Gary Sheffield and Frank Thomas. The new standard-bearers for greed and ingratitude. But if you think I'm gonna launch into a screed about their avarice and idiocy, you're wrong. I kind of admire them. In fact, I wonder what human history would be like if we were all a bit more like them. So here it is, The World According to Sheffield and Thomas:
"And the evening and the morning were the first day. And God saw that it could be a whole lot better."
"Was this the face that launched a thousand dealerships, and spurned the topless towers of Tampa?"
"To me, or not to me, that is the question. Should I have my signing bonus go to direct deposit, or have it sent to my money manager?"
"My kingdom for a horse, a broadsword, and a really good surgeon."
"In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost. So I decided to renegotiate."
"No man is an island. 'Cept me."
"I swing, therefore I am."
"Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Nah."
"Give me liberty, or give me another $50 million, deferred."
"A Jug of Wine, A Loaf of Bread and a Thou." "We'll only have Paris."
"Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Tomorrow's a different story."
"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that ka-ching."
"We have nothing to fear with Fehr himself."
"Ask what your country can do for you."
"Winning isn't everything. Payday, on the other hand ... "
"You can always get what you want."
"Unleash Scott Boras."
Get it? Send your suggestions to add to this list, and we'll post the best ones next week: pulse@espnmag.com.
Steve Wulf is executive editor of ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at steve.wulf@espnmag.com, but we reserve the right to refer all queries to his agent. |
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